February 17, 2008

Infragard at work: Case United Airlines

Blunderov,

The Soviet Union was a polite place too. Perhaps for similar reasons. Police states don't need to be impolite. They have other methods available. Speaking of police states, it isn't just closer than you think. It is already here. This was brought to my attention in a fairly forcible way courtesy of United Express.

Returning from a trip to Los Angeles I made a number of decisions which, it was to become apparent, were of dubious merit. The first was to fly with United. The second was to route through Denver. Even before I left Los Angeles, my flight to Cedar Rapids was shown on the notice boards as delayed. I let my family know the expected arrival time. When I arrived in Denver, I checked on the departure time and gate and went to eat. When I returned to the previously posted gate after eating, it was as if my scheduled flight had never been. Queries from United Staff sent me to what I initially thought of as the poorly named "Passenger Service" where a person whose sole job was apparently to be pleasant while clutching any useful information to her bosom then directed me to a second "Passenger Service" point on the other end of the concourse. Walking there, I discovered a closed and empty counter. While this was hardly less communicative than the first service representative it wasn't going to get me to Cedar Rapids. Returning to the gate I got sent to yet another Passenger Service point. Clearly I had come to the right place. I took a position at the rear of the vast queue of unhappy victims of United. An hour passed as four overworked agents dealt with passengers at a rate just fast enough to encourage the United Victims to imagine that the queue was moving at a glacial rate. So glacial that there was serious concern that the glaciers might all have evaporated before I got to the front of the ever growing queue.

Two hours later, with two hundred people in a line that now stretched back across the concourse, an elderly southern European walked up to the counter and started complaining. He was not even slightly aggressive, nor did he swear. He simply shouted that the service stank, that they needed more agents, etc.

Moments later four burly, black clothed Gestapo arrived, cuffed the lone protester (doing what any European might have done quite safely at home), and marched him off. To my embarrassment, nobody in the crowd said anything, despite the fact that his arrest seemed to trigger United fetching another supervisor, some more agents and a slightly faster movement of the queue. My mild objections (I know about US cops' tendency to regard any objections as “interfering with an officer in the performance of his duty”) were met by the polite observation that there were more handcuffs available. As I wanted to get home, I shut the fuck up (blush).



It still didn't help me get home.

When I finally (three hours later) reached the head of the queue, I learned from an agent as useless as he was polite - and he was terribly polite, that the next direct flight was on Monday afternoon. I settled for an indirect connection. An early morning flight from Denver to Minneapolis. Followed by an early afternoon flight from Minneapolis to Chicago. Finally a late afternoon flight from Chicago to Cedar Rapids. With an arrival 18 hours later than planned. And 8 hours driving by my family. I could have driven from Denver to home in the same time period. And probably would have arrived more rested.

As punishment I was put up for the night in a very industrial, smelly, $20 a night kind of dive. United also provided me with "meal vouchers," one to the tune of $9 and another to the tune of $4. The stand-up take-away food I bought at the airport with them cost $ 16 and $14.

The US government gave the airline industry $15 billion last year. More than it has given the railways in all their years of operation. I'm writing to everyone I know to suggest that next year, if they have any money at all, that the government give it to Amtrack. For all that Amtrack is horrible, they could hardly do worse with it than United. And it might actually do the country some good when the cheap-oil runs out.

Kind Regards

Hermit

New Marketing Slogans: “Victims of United, Unite” and “Fly United, Get Arrested”

No comments:

ShareThis