Surrogate motherhood in the END GAME scenario
I tell my friends, that I am the surrogate mother people love to hate. A "figure" to rebel against. I act as a "lightening" (in all senses of the word) rod for people to keep in touch with what they don't want to know about themselves. I laugh when someone tells me I MAKE Them feel they way they are feeling because I know then that they are getting close to their inner truth.
The more I speak in the "I" the madder some young people get .. they have this very limited idea of ego they "read" about, but do not really as yet understand. It's really just about edging GODus out, not about refusing to own your own power. I do strive to be in constant contact and am not waiting around to get ascended or for first contact or any other rapture variant. The Work is here, NOW.
I feel especially bad that so many kids have so much hidden guilt that they cannot let go and just have fun, as if having a laugh about something is a big, fat CRIME.
When I go out to my son's hospital, it is so very, very sad. This huge campus-like building. All the different units are forced to have patient intereaction as there is no smoking within the hospital and they go outside to smoke. The nurses huddle together in little groups, smoking by THEMSELVES, like a pack of wolves brittle-ly chuckling with each other.
The patients run out of money to buy cigarettes. They each only has $100 per month for EVERYTHING. This includes personal items like shampoo, etc. Cigarettes here are $60 a carton (200 cigs). So by the end of week one they totally totally BROKE.
My son and I have access to Mohawk cigarettes -- $25 a carton. You'd think this would be cool. Oh, no. They told him he couldn't have them -- it would lead to him "drug dealing". He was giving them away. (so do I). I told him to tell them "Forget it. It is STILL a free country .. and I have the right to have cigarettes and to smoke whatever I like." Pretty hard for a paranoid to do, but he did it.
The worst punishment they deal out in there is to put you in an observation room (padded cell). Then you cannot smoke at all and have no hope you can. The cigarettes are useful for pushing down the ANGER (which gets you in trouble as that is pathologized .. you're TOO angry) as well as keeping your hope alive (I might be able to socialize and stand outside among friends and be EQUAL).
Since January I have encountered no nurse or hospital staff offer a single smoke to anyone, yet they come outside with their little purses full of cigarettes and clutch them in their little "huddles" together .. they are WARRIORS and WARRIORESSES with status symbols lording it over the vanquished. When they see me .. a "welfare recipient" (I am no disability and they know this; they know everything they think) give away smokes you can count the hostile arrows being arched in the air towards me.
Tuesday I got about six patients smoking and RELAXED. I gave them each one to smoke THEN and one for later in the day. Miles gave them the "signal" it was okay to relax around me; I am as creative and crazy as THEY are. Then I got them all singing Beatles tunes at the top of their lungs .. ALLLLLLLLLLLL you NEEEEEEEEd is LOOOOOOOOOOOVE. Swaying together in the breeze. I wondered why they couldn't pump Beatles' music into the hospital once in awhile. It really offends no one and would dispell some of the hostility vibe.
One woman (impossible to tell ages with the effects of the drugs and prior electroshock treatment on the bipolars), was wearing blue, sparkly nail polish. I held her hand to look at it. I wonder how long it is since any human being touched her with love. After that she followed me everywhere. She cried when I said I had to go. How long has she been incarcerated ...? At what age did begin ...? Who has listened to her story ...?
These medications they give psychotics are absolutely guaranteed to put them into lalaland if they do street drugs. Yet the module on drug abuse is only for harm reduction!!!!! Why "teach" them to reduce harm ...? They just cannot do it. There is no Narcotics Anonymous meeting available on site. AA is totally controlled by a long term old man full of venom towards the young. The NA meeting can only be accessed by cab and only six hospital residents allowed to go each week. Yet at least 24 that i know of in the hospital are street drug addicts. My kid refused to go to the harm reduction module and it was accused of being "non compliant". Then a nurse told me he couldn't attend any 12-step meeting at all as he wasn't "there" for the meetings. If that is so, why is attending their harm reduction "meetings" either ..?
The prison (oh, I meant hospital) chaplain is supposedly HIP but doesn't teach people to pray. She's too busy analyzing. My son had to reject her, too.
They are handing my son back to me very shortly. They've put him back on the very medication that he was on when he attacked me and broke two of my ribs. It causes diabetes, heart problems, eye anomolies .. I said I want to ensure that he is given an opportunity to "try" something else as he stabilizes. I was told to forget it, things are FINE.
At least now he knows he cannot do any street drugs. And must avoid contact with people who do them, no matter how out of the loop it makes him feel. I forced the psychiatrist to meet with me, by saying I would hire and attorney and bring in a professional advocate if she didn't. I am sick to death of the "game". (I am a better advocate than most of the "pros" frankly - but they already know that tangling with the survivor/pros is lethal to their careers). It was most interesting to see how her fangs grew and grew when I insisted she put herself in MY shoes .. anticipating seeing my son's arms and limbs cut off because of HER prescription. She had NO plan for him getting out prior to the meeting, but suddenly I found on Thursday (two days later) plans are underway to release him. Think there is a connection between her fangs and my insistence and his soon to be release date ...?
I warned them that the diagnosis is wrong. He definitively has PTSD. So the psychologist has to come out on Tuesday to give him the tests. How can they be making discharge plans before his diagnosis is even done ...? She was forced about one month ago to get him a consult with another psychiatrist, who agreed with HER findings without these tests. If he hadn't, I am sure she would have "shopped" until she found someone who agreed with her. But they realize I might have a case if I expose now very, very lax they have been in accessing all resources available -- so the psychologist is necessary to "prove" their case and make them legal judgment-free ... nothing to do with his needs.
After years of drugging, these once young people -- and they age rapidly on these pharmoculture creations -- have given up every dream (except for finding a place to hunker down). They have no desire to work or be informed. They spend every day just stuffing their anger, yet are taught in "therapy" to recognize their anger and express it. Hahaha. The isolation tank is right there in front of their eyes. They know but cannot express that they are aware that they are in a hospice, not a hospital.
This is the ENDGAME of the political MESS in which we find ourselves today. Sounds extreme, but it is a potentiality for all our young people today.
Lots and lots of expensive artwork hanging around the hospital.. but a year's confinement in said hospice if they spray paint something on a WALL. It's known as court diversion.
No chance of exploring their sexuality and it leaks out sideways.
Distancing and distain on the part of the staff.
People who are spiritual and know how to "read" energy definitely denied getting a job in a place like this, even if they are highly "credentialled."
I hope these starseed/indigo kids get it together to start their healing spaces for starseeds, I really do. They'll have a "time of it" getting them together; but it just may motivate them to work ever harder at seeing their OWN institutions come together ....
I doubt a could be a professional "grandmother". Just one short visit out there knocks me for a two-day loop. Too much to consider and FEEL on my "personal" time. I love the feeling of letting their spirits soar while I am out there. Kinda like a ministerial role. The Beatles are the hymns; I encourage them all to keep praying and visualizing themselves FREE. I widen their perspective for a short bit which has become a narrow tunnel. I have the boys swimming in groups now when they go to the pool in my son's unit, telling them to "fight" the urge to vegetate. I tell each one how attractive they are, what I love about their faces and hands, which is about all you can see under the heavy hooded sweatshirts and baggy jeans. But that is all I can do, and that is about to end.
The more I speak in the "I" the madder some young people get .. they have this very limited idea of ego they "read" about, but do not really as yet understand. It's really just about edging GODus out, not about refusing to own your own power. I do strive to be in constant contact and am not waiting around to get ascended or for first contact or any other rapture variant. The Work is here, NOW.
I feel especially bad that so many kids have so much hidden guilt that they cannot let go and just have fun, as if having a laugh about something is a big, fat CRIME.
When I go out to my son's hospital, it is so very, very sad. This huge campus-like building. All the different units are forced to have patient intereaction as there is no smoking within the hospital and they go outside to smoke. The nurses huddle together in little groups, smoking by THEMSELVES, like a pack of wolves brittle-ly chuckling with each other.
The patients run out of money to buy cigarettes. They each only has $100 per month for EVERYTHING. This includes personal items like shampoo, etc. Cigarettes here are $60 a carton (200 cigs). So by the end of week one they totally totally BROKE.
My son and I have access to Mohawk cigarettes -- $25 a carton. You'd think this would be cool. Oh, no. They told him he couldn't have them -- it would lead to him "drug dealing". He was giving them away. (so do I). I told him to tell them "Forget it. It is STILL a free country .. and I have the right to have cigarettes and to smoke whatever I like." Pretty hard for a paranoid to do, but he did it.
The worst punishment they deal out in there is to put you in an observation room (padded cell). Then you cannot smoke at all and have no hope you can. The cigarettes are useful for pushing down the ANGER (which gets you in trouble as that is pathologized .. you're TOO angry) as well as keeping your hope alive (I might be able to socialize and stand outside among friends and be EQUAL).
Since January I have encountered no nurse or hospital staff offer a single smoke to anyone, yet they come outside with their little purses full of cigarettes and clutch them in their little "huddles" together .. they are WARRIORS and WARRIORESSES with status symbols lording it over the vanquished. When they see me .. a "welfare recipient" (I am no disability and they know this; they know everything they think) give away smokes you can count the hostile arrows being arched in the air towards me.
Tuesday I got about six patients smoking and RELAXED. I gave them each one to smoke THEN and one for later in the day. Miles gave them the "signal" it was okay to relax around me; I am as creative and crazy as THEY are. Then I got them all singing Beatles tunes at the top of their lungs .. ALLLLLLLLLLLL you NEEEEEEEEd is LOOOOOOOOOOOVE. Swaying together in the breeze. I wondered why they couldn't pump Beatles' music into the hospital once in awhile. It really offends no one and would dispell some of the hostility vibe.
One woman (impossible to tell ages with the effects of the drugs and prior electroshock treatment on the bipolars), was wearing blue, sparkly nail polish. I held her hand to look at it. I wonder how long it is since any human being touched her with love. After that she followed me everywhere. She cried when I said I had to go. How long has she been incarcerated ...? At what age did begin ...? Who has listened to her story ...?
These medications they give psychotics are absolutely guaranteed to put them into lalaland if they do street drugs. Yet the module on drug abuse is only for harm reduction!!!!! Why "teach" them to reduce harm ...? They just cannot do it. There is no Narcotics Anonymous meeting available on site. AA is totally controlled by a long term old man full of venom towards the young. The NA meeting can only be accessed by cab and only six hospital residents allowed to go each week. Yet at least 24 that i know of in the hospital are street drug addicts. My kid refused to go to the harm reduction module and it was accused of being "non compliant". Then a nurse told me he couldn't attend any 12-step meeting at all as he wasn't "there" for the meetings. If that is so, why is attending their harm reduction "meetings" either ..?
The prison (oh, I meant hospital) chaplain is supposedly HIP but doesn't teach people to pray. She's too busy analyzing. My son had to reject her, too.
They are handing my son back to me very shortly. They've put him back on the very medication that he was on when he attacked me and broke two of my ribs. It causes diabetes, heart problems, eye anomolies .. I said I want to ensure that he is given an opportunity to "try" something else as he stabilizes. I was told to forget it, things are FINE.
At least now he knows he cannot do any street drugs. And must avoid contact with people who do them, no matter how out of the loop it makes him feel. I forced the psychiatrist to meet with me, by saying I would hire and attorney and bring in a professional advocate if she didn't. I am sick to death of the "game". (I am a better advocate than most of the "pros" frankly - but they already know that tangling with the survivor/pros is lethal to their careers). It was most interesting to see how her fangs grew and grew when I insisted she put herself in MY shoes .. anticipating seeing my son's arms and limbs cut off because of HER prescription. She had NO plan for him getting out prior to the meeting, but suddenly I found on Thursday (two days later) plans are underway to release him. Think there is a connection between her fangs and my insistence and his soon to be release date ...?
I warned them that the diagnosis is wrong. He definitively has PTSD. So the psychologist has to come out on Tuesday to give him the tests. How can they be making discharge plans before his diagnosis is even done ...? She was forced about one month ago to get him a consult with another psychiatrist, who agreed with HER findings without these tests. If he hadn't, I am sure she would have "shopped" until she found someone who agreed with her. But they realize I might have a case if I expose now very, very lax they have been in accessing all resources available -- so the psychologist is necessary to "prove" their case and make them legal judgment-free ... nothing to do with his needs.
After years of drugging, these once young people -- and they age rapidly on these pharmoculture creations -- have given up every dream (except for finding a place to hunker down). They have no desire to work or be informed. They spend every day just stuffing their anger, yet are taught in "therapy" to recognize their anger and express it. Hahaha. The isolation tank is right there in front of their eyes. They know but cannot express that they are aware that they are in a hospice, not a hospital.
This is the ENDGAME of the political MESS in which we find ourselves today. Sounds extreme, but it is a potentiality for all our young people today.
Lots and lots of expensive artwork hanging around the hospital.. but a year's confinement in said hospice if they spray paint something on a WALL. It's known as court diversion.
No chance of exploring their sexuality and it leaks out sideways.
Distancing and distain on the part of the staff.
People who are spiritual and know how to "read" energy definitely denied getting a job in a place like this, even if they are highly "credentialled."
I hope these starseed/indigo kids get it together to start their healing spaces for starseeds, I really do. They'll have a "time of it" getting them together; but it just may motivate them to work ever harder at seeing their OWN institutions come together ....
I doubt a could be a professional "grandmother". Just one short visit out there knocks me for a two-day loop. Too much to consider and FEEL on my "personal" time. I love the feeling of letting their spirits soar while I am out there. Kinda like a ministerial role. The Beatles are the hymns; I encourage them all to keep praying and visualizing themselves FREE. I widen their perspective for a short bit which has become a narrow tunnel. I have the boys swimming in groups now when they go to the pool in my son's unit, telling them to "fight" the urge to vegetate. I tell each one how attractive they are, what I love about their faces and hands, which is about all you can see under the heavy hooded sweatshirts and baggy jeans. But that is all I can do, and that is about to end.
1 comment:
I don't have anything that I can say. I just felt like telling you I am supportive of you, and of your son, and all that you both are going through.
Maybe there is another option for him that you will find soon, and it will be just so great that you and he went through all of this, and then went on to find the new place for him...
is that vague enough? Anyway, I want to visualize good things in the future.
L.
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