you can not cope,
what happens then?
that your adrenals fail
- you MUST keep functioning and cannot afford going insane while being totally victimized -
This is a measure of my life's state and the political reality in which we are living.
I am locating a creative solution to the IMPOSSIBLE in the only way my psyche can find with the resources available. I cannot afford to feel helpless and hopeless.
DREAM WALKING or SPIRIT WALKING.
in rhythm and time.
I read your hand and see who you are.
I'll guess your sign.
I hand you an angel card or a biscuit for your dog.
I ask you to pray.
I dance for your souls.
I have three massive ongoing traumatic issues and I bring them and get damned personal on this blog today as it is my sixtieth birthday and I have every single right to bring up THE TRUTH.
I am burnt out and have become a spiritual entity, while having few REAL social supports to help me out. Yet, I am political and have a message. I am talented and can dance and sing. I dream ... on.
My mother was killed by my father, who committed suicide the same steamy day in July. It is my surmise he did this while in a black out. As children we went to live with my grandparents who were ritual abusers. No, they did not wear funny costumes. They were "nice": pillars of the community but people feared my grandfather and no one intervened. I left home at 15, taking my brother out of the end-of-the-line white family as quickly as I possibly could. Ronnie never lived with us.
I was a flower child/hippie during the 1960's. A conundrum I assure you. An original SDSer and I helped found the American Indian Movement, which grew out of the Minneapolis welfare rights movement.
I have been married and lost my eldest son. I've lived in high and low places. I am not going to publish my resume here, though. I just want you to understand the politics of this thang. I am firm believer in communication not CONTROL nor war.
We lived in FEAR of the United States ever since. By the time the decision was made, we had been abandoned by my husband, James. This caused Miles to shutdown and resort to drug usage: he smoked tainted pot. Later, he turned to XTC for relief as he feared my death following an accident and he became a paranoid schizophrenic.
What brought us to this state of being summarily kicked out of the United States? I stood up for Leonard Peltier, the native activist to Senator Paul Wellstone. It is my profound belief that he and my ex-husband, Scott Borene, an immigration attorney colluded to have me thrown out. Not everyone wonderfulizes those two.
Two years ago I was given substandard housing by the City of Toronto following a disastrous affair whereby everything was thrown away: my son and I - who have no relatives here in Canada - had everything thrown away.
I took this substandard apartment because I followed the need to get out of the shelter system following a depressive/PTSD episode over this traumatic event. I applied for an immediate transfer two years ago as my chemical sensitivities just could NOT take the environmental impact. At that time I suffered SEVERE fibromyalgia and was overweight, despite having spent years doing yoga and being extremely flexible earlier. Yet, I was saved by a friend who helped me find orthomolecular medicene.
I continued the blogging I had begun: it was mostly on spiritual and health matters and I ran a group that numbered roughly 50 people called Earthlings Anonymous that aimed to find solutions to problems for seven generations in the future.
To my astonishment, an "Anonymous" commentator began to appear with regular "private" comments and I followed the suggestions made to me to the letter.
I was given information on Blackwater, Infragard, war crimes, and all manner of US political information. I followed instructions to the letter. I was a good investigator and found out much and my blog was a smash success many days.
It was suggested to me in the secret comments that I was Canada's newest member of the International Criminal Court and that I should expect deep Canadian support for what I was doing; I was picked because I was "special." I assumed I would go The Hague and have a nice plump salary!! Yeah, right. War crimes HAVE been committed and I do know much about them. But if you saw my life today you'd wonder where I EVER got that idea !!
During this entire time, my house was being regularly invaded by stalkers and a mysterious person(s) who took things at night. I thought that it was some sort of alphabet souper (ya know, CIA, CSIS or something) - but it was cigarettes, bras, and then LARGE sums of money that would disappear. Sometimes I would have to go over to my son's house to get supplies and walk many miles. I socially as I knew I was being followed and surveilled, particularly by Blackwater.
Fortunately, my son and an online friend caught it and my life was saved.
I walked the streets handing out cards about my blog to get support.
In the end one of my fellowship friends helped me get the money by saying I had moved into her apartment and I went to Andover alone.
When I got there I was shocked that Jordan J. Paust did not attend. I was sure he knew about my blog. I believed "testing" was NOT W. Richard West and he was not going to attend. I still do not know who that individual is; but I assure you that the assertion that my "back is covered" is certainly not true. The Robert Jackson Conference was extremely important and I am proud that I attended. But as a nonregistered participant I get no updates and none of the materials.
Instead when I came back, the crap began hitting the fan. My son was in a hospital and the police would not tell me where he was. Since then, he has been in three hospitals and none of them the correct one !! He has been formed, arrested and I have been humiliated publically by these hospitals and I could not get anyone to help me sue them for their misconduct.
Due to the theft of all my property two years ago and the fact that the US did not mail back my passport after I applied, the blog cannot accept donations even if they are made.
I have not gotten my $14,000 plus in back US taxes nor the nearly $2,000 I paid out in cab fares back so I am stuck in the apartment with the mouse shit even now !!
I have called the local City Councillor numerous times about my problems; he does nothing and I have filed an official complaint against the local police department.
No lawuist has gone up against Sunnybrook nor St. Joseph's hospital, who are guilty under Canada's Mental Health Act of violating both Miles and my rights.
I now suffer extreme traumatic arthritis from the physical attacks I took from Miles and the crack addict.
I have become extremely interested in the symptomology that the war crimes have produced here in our cities, though.
The synthesis of urban decay, military keynesianISM, the fiscal crisis and people's responses is key. We must be prepared for what is ahead and Dmitri Orlov has said it best. People must not self medicate with drugs and alcohol to avoid facing what is going to happen very soon in our suburbs and urban areas.
But there are solutions and I have been proposing them to everyone that I can. These include using Shipping crate container buildings/solar energy to rebuild our city housing; this will eliminate the homelessness. And our spaces must be better utilized. To this end I say I will run against our local City Councillor during my "raps": it only costs $200 to run. And I could pay it all in pennies. But Dreamwalkers make horrible politicians although we have our fingers right on the pulse. I feel I have become an urban minister, but the pay is zilch and the energy expended enormous, but I had to do something while I cannot get get Miles released !!
Would I really run for office? I'd have to get Canadian Citizenship and to my surprise I don't have it and only found out when applying for a Canadian passport.
HOPES AND DREAMS
Find housing with social supports and a chance to grow things, have a dog and go back to school if Voices does not work out.
Is it too much to ask??? I think I have at least another 30 years to accomplish some of this.
* S * P * I * R * I * T *
W * A * L * K * I * N * G
Please treat me as such.
You would not want your sister treated this way.
Don't take the spirit out if spirituality.
I ride the Zuvuya for you.
Remember: what happened to me could happen to anyone who faces an orphaned existence.
How many tears can this old woman cry?
Yet only kindness to others can help me out.
Widowed, orphaned and homeless now.
Knowing we are all ONE fellowship, really.
remember my name.
How can they arrest my vulnerable son and yet let the real criminals go free?
This was the saddest birthday I have ever had, really.
I want my son restored to sane living and a chance to have real therapy not poison thrown down his throat .
I want to have sane, deep social contacts outside that horrible building.
Who dances the message into your palm: