March 04, 2009

The 60th Birthday Blues: How to become an (overstressed) spiritwalker

When life is so overwhelming

you can not cope,

what happens then?

Well, there is the post traumatic stress disorder response and that can become compounded (see: Judith Lewis Herman's book, Trauma and Recovery). Dissociation/panic "disorder" can become the order of the day.

But what occurs when life conspires to be so


that your adrenals fail


- you MUST keep functioning and cannot afford going insane while being totally victimized -


This is a measure of my life's state and the political reality in which we are living.

I am locating a creative solution to the IMPOSSIBLE in the only way my psyche can find with the resources available. I cannot afford to feel helpless and hopeless.

This ministry becomes something referred to in shamanic circles as


I walk.

I rap

in rhythm and time.

I prophesize.

I read your hand and see who you are.

I'll guess your sign.

I hand you an angel card or a biscuit for your dog.

I ask you to pray.

I dance for your souls.

and why?

It is my "gift" from The Creator.

I have three massive ongoing traumatic issues and I bring them and get damned personal on this blog today as it is my sixtieth birthday and I have every single right to bring up THE TRUTH.

I wanted to have a semi sane dinner with my son tonight; yet instead I ate alone and was threatened with arrest TWICE today for merely trying to explain myself and stick up for my son.

I am burnt out and have become a spiritual entity, while having few REAL social supports to help me out. Yet, I am political and have a message. I am talented and can dance and sing. I dream ... on.

As we say in Minnesota: How come?

I was raised in a mixed race family. My mother (and I AM her daughter) kept my brother, Ronnie at a time such "things" were not the done thing. Despite a violent childhood, my elder brother and I were very close.

My mother was killed by my father, who committed suicide the same steamy day in July. It is my surmise he did this while in a black out. As children we went to live with my grandparents who were ritual abusers. No, they did not wear funny costumes. They were "nice": pillars of the community but people feared my grandfather and no one intervened. I left home at 15, taking my brother out of the end-of-the-line white family as quickly as I possibly could. Ronnie never lived with us.

I was a flower child/hippie during the 1960's. A conundrum I assure you. An original SDSer and I helped found the American Indian Movement, which grew out of the Minneapolis welfare rights movement.

I have been married and lost my eldest son. I've lived in high and low places. I am not going to publish my resume here, though. I just want you to understand the politics of this thang. I am firm believer in communication not CONTROL nor war.

My husband James Simson, Miles and I came to Canada as refugees in 1994 under the War on Drugs - and it took eight years for us to gain admittance, which was resolved as a Humane Compassionate Relief decision. This is the second longest immigration resolution in Canadian history; no NATO country is going to accept another nation's citizens as refugees. Trust me on that. Our final adjudicator was Alex Neve - who I unkindly refer to as Michael Never- who is the head of Canada's Amnesty International.

The "case" went through the appeals process and we lost there, too. By the time our number came up it was decided in Miles' best interest that we remain in Canada. Miles suffered extreme sexual abuse at the hands of his father and it was horrible to be removed from the United States as we had just gotten settled in and were doing really well when turfed out.

We lived in FEAR of the United States ever since. By the time the decision was made, we had been abandoned by my husband, James. This caused Miles to shutdown and resort to drug usage: he smoked tainted pot. Later, he turned to XTC for relief as he feared my death following an accident and he became a paranoid schizophrenic.

What brought us to this state of being summarily kicked out of the United States? I stood up for Leonard Peltier, the native activist to Senator Paul Wellstone. It is my profound belief that he and my ex-husband, Scott Borene, an immigration attorney colluded to have me thrown out. Not everyone wonderfulizes those two.

Two years ago I was given substandard housing by the City of Toronto following a disastrous affair whereby everything was thrown away: my son and I - who have no relatives here in Canada - had everything thrown away.

I took this substandard apartment because I followed the need to get out of the shelter system following a depressive/PTSD episode over this traumatic event. I applied for an immediate transfer two years ago as my chemical sensitivities just could NOT take the environmental impact. At that time I suffered SEVERE fibromyalgia and was overweight, despite having spent years doing yoga and being extremely flexible earlier. Yet, I was saved by a friend who helped me find orthomolecular medicene.

I continued the blogging I had begun: it was mostly on spiritual and health matters and I ran a group that numbered roughly 50 people called Earthlings Anonymous that aimed to find solutions to problems for seven generations in the future.

To my astonishment, an "Anonymous" commentator began to appear with regular "private" comments and I followed the suggestions made to me to the letter.

I was given information on Blackwater, Infragard, war crimes, and all manner of US political information. I followed instructions to the letter. I was a good investigator and found out much and my blog was a smash success many days.

It was suggested to me in the secret comments that I was Canada's newest member of the International Criminal Court and that I should expect deep Canadian support for what I was doing; I was picked because I was "special." I assumed I would go The Hague and have a nice plump salary!! Yeah, right. War crimes HAVE been committed and I do know much about them. But if you saw my life today you'd wonder where I EVER got that idea !!

(And let this be my first statement that ALWAYS get real evidence before you ever believe anything, as the evidence clearly does not support that anonymous assertion. A similar claim was made to me via International Clearinghouse online by this same poster that my "case" regarding my illegal expulsion from the United States was being investigated by the Department of Justice.)

During this entire time, my house was being regularly invaded by stalkers and a mysterious person(s) who took things at night. I thought that it was some sort of alphabet souper (ya know, CIA, CSIS or something) - but it was cigarettes, bras, and then LARGE sums of money that would disappear. Sometimes I would have to go over to my son's house to get supplies and walk many miles. I socially as I knew I was being followed and surveilled, particularly by Blackwater.
Last year, things got SO fraught that I tried to commit suicide on my birthday because the walker I had been promised was taken away and not one single birthday card arrived. This resulted in my THIRD near death experience - a phenomena that adds import to what is to follow.

Fortunately, my son and an online friend caught it and my life was saved.

Meanwhile the psychiatric reports and specialist opinions continued to pour in that I NEEDED to move out of this unhealthy environment. I was in physical pain and I dissociated.

During this entire time, my house was being regularly invaded by stalkers and a mysterious person(s) who took things at night. I thought that it was some sort of alphabet souper (ya know, CIA, CSIS or something) - but it was cigarettes, bras, and then LARGE sums of money that would disappear. Sometimes I would have to go over to my son's house to get supplies and walk many miles. I would go to the police and complian long and hard.

In my son's police district I spoke to them about prosecuting George W. Bush and spoke to the District Attorney about it not knowing that this approach had been tried before.

I walked the streets handing out cards about my blog to get support.

I was promised help getting to the Andover War Crimes Conference by my local MP's office. I sold hundreds of copies of the Bugliosi book: yet since I could not raise $20,000 to set up an office and meet our needs I have never received much more than a few paltry donations and no commission on the sale of the book. I invited them to come to a Town Hall I had to put on myself after other arrangements fell through at my own expense. Peculiar, I have NEVER met the local MP yet.

However, this town hall never materialized. I had spent my own money trying urgently to get a town hall preparation meeting in order through the local Native Friendship Centre. However, at the last minute on TWO occasions they were abruptly cancelled. This was to provide funds for me and another law student to travel to Massachusetts. I was threatened by the head of the Centre, a Mr. Larry Frost. There is a key to the blog which could net the native community money AND the sales of the book at the event would have added to their coffers.

In the end one of my fellowship friends helped me get the money by saying I had moved into her apartment and I went to Andover alone.

When I got there I was shocked that Jordan J. Paust did not attend. I was sure he knew about my blog. I believed "testing" was NOT W. Richard West and he was not going to attend. I still do not know who that individual is; but I assure you that the assertion that my "back is covered" is certainly not true. The Robert Jackson Conference was extremely important and I am proud that I attended. But as a nonregistered participant I get no updates and none of the materials.

Instead when I came back, the crap began hitting the fan. My son was in a hospital and the police would not tell me where he was. Since then, he has been in three hospitals and none of them the correct one !! He has been formed, arrested and I have been humiliated publically by these hospitals and I could not get anyone to help me sue them for their misconduct.

I have been in total distress. I have been attacked physically five times in the past six months.

The man who claimed to be a Special Forces officer and an ally turned out to be the local crack dealer and he has threatened me on several occasions. No one arrests HIM, but they do my son.

Yes, I have even called Centre for the Victims of Torture for help. I have asked for therapeutic support. Even from senior's groups. None of it is forthcoming. It's been six months of attrition of anything approaching normalcy or legality !!

The disability people have treated me horribly and I went without electricity for a long time. My neighbors have thrown my belongings away !! My friends are horrified at the conditions in my apartment and don't come back.

Due to the theft of all my property two years ago and the fact that the US did not mail back my passport after I applied, the blog cannot accept donations even if they are made.

I have not gotten my $14,000 plus in back US taxes nor the nearly $2,000 I paid out in cab fares back so I am stuck in the apartment with the mouse shit even now !!

I have called the local City Councillor numerous times about my problems; he does nothing and I have filed an official complaint against the local police department.

I have found out James has died so there is no way to appeal to him for assistance. Further, my law suit against Scott has failed because I cannot prove he owes me money, but he does.

No lawuist has gone up against Sunnybrook nor St. Joseph's hospital, who are guilty under Canada's Mental Health Act of violating both Miles and my rights.

I now suffer extreme traumatic arthritis from the physical attacks I took from Miles and the crack addict.

I have become extremely interested in the symptomology that the war crimes have produced here in our cities, though.

The synthesis of urban decay, military keynesianISM, the fiscal crisis and people's responses is key. We must be prepared for what is ahead and Dmitri Orlov has said it best. People must not self medicate with drugs and alcohol to avoid facing what is going to happen very soon in our suburbs and urban areas.

But there are solutions and I have been proposing them to everyone that I can. These include using Shipping crate container buildings/solar energy to rebuild our city housing; this will eliminate the homelessness. And our spaces must be better utilized. To this end I say I will run against our local City Councillor during my "raps": it only costs $200 to run. And I could pay it all in pennies. But Dreamwalkers make horrible politicians although we have our fingers right on the pulse. I feel I have become an urban minister, but the pay is zilch and the energy expended enormous, but I had to do something while I cannot get get Miles released !!

Would I really run for office? I'd have to get Canadian Citizenship and to my surprise I don't have it and only found out when applying for a Canadian passport.


Instead of being a member of the International Criminal Court, I might become a participant in Voices from the Street, if I am fortunate. I certainly understand the issues of mental health, addiction and homelessness in a very deep mannner. I do wish I could have capitalized on some celebrity coming up to Toronto, particularly Vincent Bugliosi, but this never materialized.

So my three traumas: getting Ontario Disability to live up to their mandate and give me my cab funds; getting Toronto Housing to get me transferred and give me a hearing which is now two months overdue; and then to get the police department and Toronto City Housing to due its duty against CRIMINALS. Miles is owed $100,000 in back social security and the doctors don't let him out to collect it nor even get his disability allowance money !! So we live in dire straights which is totally INSANE.

Find housing with social supports and a chance to grow things, have a dog and go back to school if Voices does not work out.

I want my eldest son to realize he is NOT recovering and that the restraining order he put out on me after not seeing me or his brother for fourteen years is mean and cruel. I want to meet my grandchildren. I worked very hard to give him the opportunities and blessings that make his life extremely comfortable financially. I have post traumatic stress and am not a "mental case" as he insists.

Is it too much to ask??? I think I have at least another 30 years to accomplish some of this.

* S * P * I * R * I * T *

W * A *
L * K * I * N * G

I am your sister.

Please treat me as such.

You would not want your sister treated this way.

Don't take the spirit out if spirituality.

I ride the Zuvuya for you.

Remember: what happened to me could happen to anyone who faces an orphaned existence.

How many tears can this old woman cry?

Yet only kindness to others can help me out.

Widowed, orphaned and homeless now.

Knowing we are all ONE fellowship, really.

My name is Virginia:

remember my name.

How can they arrest my vulnerable son and yet let the real criminals go free?

Megweetch for reading

This was the saddest birthday I have ever had, really.

I want my son restored to sane living and a chance to have real therapy not poison thrown down his throat .

I want to have sane, deep social contacts outside that horrible building.

Your friend,

Many Rivers
Dharam Kaur

Who dances the message into your palm:

Mitayake Oyasin

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